[Thankful I’m] Not a Newlywed


Love.  Perfection.  Happiness.  Bliss.  Let’s be honest – is there any answer to the predictable, enthusiastic, “How’s married life?!?” question other than an equally enthusiastic “Great!”?


Which is too bad, because anyone who’s been married more than a few months can tell you that’s only half of the truthful answer.  The other half is a four-letter word you’re not allowed to utter during that first year…HARD.

I’ve been thinking about that lately and have compiled a list.  A {PG-rated} list of reasons that, despite all the wonderfulness of the newlywed phase, I’m glad we’re out of it.

You can be honest.  You still have to be respectful, of course, but you can be honest.  About those things that drive you crazy, about money, about anything.  You don’t have to worry if he’ll be upset or if it’ll turn into a fight or if you’ll hurt his feelings…because you’ve figured that out.

No hurt feelings.  You’ve been together long enough to recognize that the off-hand comment he made wasn’t a passive-aggressive jab at you.  You don’t need to analyze his tone/words/etc.  You’re over it.

Fights aren’t fights.  They’re just disagreements.  And disagreements are healthy and productive.  And they aren’t full of drama.  Or tears.  {Most of the time.  Come on, I’m still me.}

There’s no embarrassment.  About something stupid you did, what goes on in the bathroom, the grossness beauty of the childbirthing process, or the imperfection in your body afterwards.

You finally believe him.  You know how you show him that extra flab that makes you cringe, and he says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about?  Turns out he actually doesn’t know what you’re talking about.  And now you realize he probably couldn’t see it 5 years ago, either.

You have a history, a plan, and a future.  You’re building a legacy.

We always talk about how two shall become one.  But we never talk about how that happens.

A wedding day is a happy day.  A wonderful day.  A special day.  But it is not a magic day.

Two shall become one.  It’s a process, not a moment.  It’s moving toward one another.  Learning to be with one another.  Learning to navigate what can some days be complicated and messy.

Here’s to my love – Happy Valentine’s Day, Rusty!  I’m so glad we’re not newlyweds and that we are building rich memories toward a richer tomorrow.  I’m thankful that you working damn hard for our family is more important than a big celebration, and that you get me enough to surprise me with flowers and a DQ Cookie Dough Blizzard on the eve of Valentine’s Day anyway.  I love you!



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