50/50

When people find out I’m pregnant, more often than not they say, “I’ll bet you want a girl this time, don’t you?”

The truthful answer has been: Not really.  In fact, I didn’t really have a preference.

I adore having a boy.  I love watching him grow.  I love watching him idolize his Daddy.  I love watching him run around outside.  I would be thrilled to have another, and enjoy years of watching Conlan run around with his little brother.

Then again, I had to admit it might be nice to have one of each, too.  So a girl wasn’t out of the question.

If I was really, truly, honest with myself though, I would have to admit that I was leaning towards prefering a boy.  I know how to raise a boy.  I know how to potty train a boy.  They pee standing up.  You don’t have to comb their hair.  They look adorable in sweatpants and a onesie.  You don’t have to deal with drama.  Or tights.  Easy.  Bring on the blue.

And then I found myself in Babies R Us, shopping for another mom-to-be, when my eyes meandered over to a section of pink bottles decorated with delightfully feminine flowers, and I found myself getting unexpectedly misty.  Oh my gosh, I thought.  I want a girl!

I am so grateful that the good Lord is choosing to bless us with another child, and when we find out what we’re having on August 13th, I know we will be fall-on-our-face overjoyed with the gift we’ve been given – boy or girl.  I’m also realistic enough to admit, though, that I will have to process through some emotions over the baby that we didn’t get.

Because if I were to be politically correct I would tell you that I don’t care what we have, as long as they are healthy.

But I’ve realized that’s not true.

I want both.

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