Gratitude. And a little shame.

I try really hard to practice gratitude, and the more I practice the more habitual it seems to become.

I am incredibly grateful for so many things, but I find there is one day, one moment, every week that finds me more grateful than any other.

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It is Grocery Shopping Day.

Specifically, it is that moment when all of my groceries are sitting on the counter with fresh produce piled high and I realize my kids eat more in a day than some kids eat in a week.

And though I complain about rising food prices or joke about how much it costs to feed my guys I am grateful that they are just that – complaints – rather than real, actual problems.

I take a lot of pride in feeding my family well.  I enjoy it, I am good at it, and on days when I don’t necessarily feel like I’m doing a bang-up job in other areas of my life, I feel like it’s a tangible way for me to care for my family and it makes me feel like I’m doing something well.

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But then, sometimes, my pride starts to overtake my gratitude and then the shame starts creeping in.  Because while I think I do a pretty good job overall, I could do better.

I prefer to feed my family local & organic.  I think it’s healthier, I think it’s more sustainable, and I think it’s more socially conscious.

But I don’t.

And while I know there’s a lot of GMO theories out there that I seriously don’t have time to read up on in a responsible manner, in the meantime I guess I’d rather be safe than sorry and go GMO-free.

But we’re not.

I’ll be honest.  I feel embarrassed about that.  And I also feel like a bit of a hypocrite when I talk about how important it is to feed my family well and then turn around and give non-organic celery to the baby.

CELERY, OF ALL CONTAMINATED THINGS!

But the thing is, I never really put my finger on it until I read this post about a woman’s deep sense of failure in not being able to feed her family organic foods.  And while my situation is less about the bellies in my house going hungry, and more about the way we choose to prioritize our finances, I found I could related to a lot of the emotions in the letter.

Then I fell in love with this post about throwing off that shame, walking in grace, and not letting food become my god.

So I’ll continue this walk of gratitude.  And on Grocery Shopping Day, when I see our week of groceries strewn across the counter I won’t let that shame weasel its way into my brain.

Because I know I am living my life openly and authentically.  I absolutely value healthfulness, but I also value the other things that we choose to spend our money on.  And choosing exclusively organic foods would mean sacrificing in other areas – like college savings, travel, or family fun – all of which I value just as much.  And with that sacrifice, I would just be trading shame in one area for shame in another.

So I won’t live in shame.  I will live in grace and authenticity.

So come over to my house.  I’ll feed you.  It will probably be healthful, but it might not be.

And it probably won’t be organic.  Unless maybe there was a sale.

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3 thoughts on “Gratitude. And a little shame.

  1. Ditto on all of your thoughts. I have had people give me a weird look when I tell them I don’t buy organic. I am sorry but it’s too expensive and I love traveling which also takes money. There is a happy medium that I try to find so that I don’t feel guilty. Nicely written post!

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