A Letter to Myself Five Years Ago

new year disappointment

Dear 2010 Me,

You’re a full week into the new year, and I know you were glad to see 2009 go.  But I also know 2010 hasn’t been the clean slate you were hoping for yet, and you’re wondering whether your whole year is shot before it even began.

I’m here to promise you that time marches on, and hope is alive.  Let’s get the big things out of the way first.  I know you’re thinking you could never do this again.  That one kid rocked your world, and there’s no way you could love another creature nearly as much as you love him, so there’s no need for a second one.

These two, they are both yours.  I know.  Take a breath.

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They are pure happiness, but watch out for the little one.  She’s got a little cray cray mixed in.  {This is how we talk in 2015.  Actually, it’s probably how we talked in 2013, but you’re still not cool in the future.  Sorry.}

And you know how you dream of someday only working three days per week?  You do.

You also quit the job you excel at in order to get rid of the commute that I know is killing you today.  Just hang in there a little bit longer.

And I’m sure you’re wondering how you can not only afford a second child, but also less income.  Sit down, girlfriend.  You’re debt free.

And by the way, you’re still married.  Hold on tight because you’re going to make it.

Then there are other things you might want to know.  You sold out.

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You have a hobby and have rediscovered your identity apart from motherhood.

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People will pay you to write things.  {I know, right?}

And also, your son will poop in the front yard.  Just decide right now that it’s hilarious and your life will be way easier.  Forget perfection.  There’s nothing good to be had in the pursuit of it anyway, besides insanity, discontentment, and depression.

In truth, this letter is as much for me today as it is for you.  You’re still exceptional at throwing the best pity parties around, even in 2015.  So press on, dear mama, because your life today does not reflect the whole of your tomorrows.

Very soon you will spend an afternoon looking at photos of this past year and you will have a realization.  You will realize that you were smiling.  Not fake smiles {because you always know the truth}, but real honest-to-goodness happy smiles.  And you will realize that in the midst of this crazy, crappy year you’re having, there was joy.  And so I encourage you to look for it.  Because it’s there, I promise you.  I’m not going to tell you to enjoy every moment because that advice is just as stupid in 2015 as it was in 2010 and even probably 1910.

But the joy, it is there.  And the hope, it’s there too.  And it’s even more beautiful when you can’t see it on the horizon but you look back and realize it’s been woven intricately throughout your whole story.

I’ll be honest; sometimes I can’t see it on today’s horizon, either.  But even so, here’s the truth:  The view looks pretty great from here.

Sincerely,

2015 Me

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8 thoughts on “A Letter to Myself Five Years Ago

    1. I’m so glad it was an encouragement to you. Thank you for sharing – that’s an encouragement to ME! And it’s totally true that I wrote it as much for myself as anyone else… 🙂 I think we all need hope that things are not static, even when we can’t see the movement.

  1. Kristina, this was just beautiful. Thank you for sharing it and thank you for your blog. It is such a tremendous source of support for me. I am mother to a 9 year old and a 6 year old and I just returned to work full-time after being a stay at home mom for 9 1/2 years. My husband lost his job last August and I needed to jump back into work mode in September to help out. This new way of life is so different for our entire family, and reading your posts helps me to feel less alone because I know other mom’s like me are out there juggling home and work.

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