I never expected to be gone this long, but here we are. And I could go on and on about how life has been crazy leaving no room for blogging, but if you know me at all you know I’m all about choices.
And yes, life has been crazy. But the fact is that I’ve chosen to spend my time elsewhere.
I never had a slow season when I had my babies. With my first, I had a ridiculous commute, every moment was packed to the brim, and I just about lost my mind. With my second, I had a reasonable commute and a lovely, extended maternity leave, and welcoming her into our family was so easy that I could have had slow time, but the truth is I filled it.
I filled it with things that were good and enjoyable but also productive because that’s what you do with time, isn’t it? You fill it.
And then last December I cut back my work schedule. I had more days at home than I had at work, and I was thrilled to have breathing room.
But if I’m being totally honest, I’d had freelance projects lined up six months before I even cut back my work schedule, so my breathing room wasn’t exactly that. Working three days per week was a relief, absolutely. But there were always deadlines looming in the back of my mind and calling for my attention.
And so, I quit them all. I quit all the side work and extra projects. There was a short-term gain, for sure. But they weren’t enjoyable, gave me more stress than they were worth, and we didn’t need the money. It was stress that I took on myself that was taking away from the reason I decided to cut back my work in the first place.
Then this month I took on an expanded role at AllMomDoes.com. But it’s stuff that I love, it’s fun, and it doesn’t feel like “work.”
Now as I try and figure out where blogging here fits into all this, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t for now. I’ve been working hard to write consistently and authoritatively but the reality is I’ve got other goals and dreams. And while I love writing, blogging regularly has made me feel like I’m doing something to work towards those goals when in reality, it’s distracting me from committing to the focused time I need to spend on the hard tasks in order to accomplish the bigger things I want.
But actually, I’m even giving myself a break from those dreams right now, too.
We just moved. And our new neighborhood has things like sidewalks and street lights and a park just around the corner. And for the first time, when my kids want to take a walk, we can do that without having to load up in the car and find someplace safe where we won’t get run over.
And doing that has been lovely. Especially without the constant pressure and nagging in the back of my head that I should be doing something else productive.
And so, I’ve declared this as my slow season. I’ll see what the fall brings, but through the summer I’m going to take spontaneous walks with my kids, meet friends at the beach for picnics, bike to go get ice cream at the town center, and not worry about anything besides the things that I need to get done for my jobs.
It’s not the time to run full-tilt toward my goals, it’s time to run full-tilt with my family.
So I just wanted to pop in and explain why you won’t be seeing me around here unless I decide to show up with randomness that I just can’t keep to myself. I wanted to express my heartfelt appreciation for the fact that you come here and are so kind to and supportive of me, and making this decision has been humbling and challenging and has forced me to peel away a little bit of my pride to peek at what’s underneath.
And, to be honest, I’m enjoying living without that layer for the time being.
I’ll still be writing weekly over at AllMomDoes so hop on over there and say hi if you’d like. And in the meantime, I hope you have the best summer ever.
I plan to.
Here’s to finally allowing myself to have a slow season. Better late than never, I guess.